What a day!!

Skye,
Being a mom is one of the hardest and most rewarding jobs i have or ever will have! Below is a typical day when im off of my job as an RN and on duty as "Momma"

7am wake up call!!! Goodmorning angel! I change your diaper and play in the mirror for a moment
7:15 we sit down on the couch and you drink your bottle while I try to steal sips of my coffee (sooo sleepy)
7:30 we get down on the floor and play with your toys while i finish my coffee. You love your little plastic house.
8:30 you eat breakfast, usually cereal fruit and yogurt
8:45 you sit on the floor with me and play. I try to sneak away to put in some laundry or do dishes. Ususally it is really hard to do anything while you are awake because you are going through separation anxiety and refuse to let me get any chores done :)
10:00 start the naptime routine and put you down for your nap
10:15 my chores go into over time : laundry, dishes, changing sheets, cleaning cat box, water plants, pick up bedroom, make bed
11:50 I finally have a second (usually because im absolutely starving) to sit down and eat
1200 after 5 bites of my breakfast/lunch i hear you cry on the monitor
12:30 time for lunch for you, usually you eat some veggies only and then a bottle afterward
1:00 we play for another hour - while i try to finish my chores
2:00 time for your second nap of the day
2:15 take a shower and FINALLY finish all the chores i have
3:00 it is usually a shorter nap so I hear you crying on the monitor
3:30 after chnaging your diaper, your clothes and packing your bag we run out to get some chores done...usually whole foods!
5:00 get home from our chores and try to put away the groceries and keep you happy at the same time which is NO easy task. At this time of the day you are normally kinda cranky :(
6:00 dinner time for you. You really chow down for dinner: cereal, veggies, yogurt and fruit
6:30 bath time for bonzos! you love your bathtime...often you cant even wait for us to get you in the time and start crawling toward the bathroom naked as a jaybird
7:00 We start your bedtime routine...one of my favorite times of the day! You get a massage and i get to hold you like a baby while you finish your bottle its one of the only times of the day when you will sit still :)
7:15 This is when mommy and daddy time starts and we start to cook dinner
8:30 dinner was GREAT! now we sit in bed and watch a little TV before bed
10:00 bedtime -- 9 continuous hours of sleep!! Love It

Below is a picture of me brushing your teeth and us playing "makeup" inside your play area - you absolutely love it when i brush your face with my dry powder brush!

Too lucky for words!

Being a NICU nurse is the most rewarding and also the most challenging job I have or will ever have in my life! Events this week at work have weighed very heavy on my heart. It's been one of those weeks where i have come home and squeezed Skye a little tighter and a little longer! A few times this week i have cried simply because i am so lucky to have her and that she is 100% perfectly healthy. How are Tyler and I soooo lucky. There are times that as a F/T employee and F/T mom and wife that i feel run down, like i wanna run away and spend a moment alone. Not this week. I have been drinking in every second with Skye this week like she was water and I was a woman dying of thirst! If you're not a parent yet then i don't think you could even understand because i simply CANNOT explain it. Its the way i think it would be like looking at God. You almost have complete silence in that moment of respect, unworthiness, grace, beauty, innocence. Reflecting on the love i have for my daughter makes me want to cry and laugh at the same time. I feel like my heart is going to explode out of my chest..like the love i have for her is all encompassing and is too much to be contained in my chest !

On another note Skye has hit a few milestones this past week that are noteworthy. She said her first word "DADA" I think at this point she thinks both Tyler and I are dada cuz she says it a lot around me too. She doesn't really say it indiscriminately around others but just really us :) Everyone says that "DADA" is the first thing all babies say because it's easiest to say. I'm going out on a limb and still calling it her first word because she can realize that she is speaking and that we understand her too. That recognition is what I'm considering her "first word." Also she is standing on her own. Not for very long, about 30 seconds, but she is doing it all on her own. She will often pull up on something on her own, find her steadiness, and then lets go. She's up for a few seconds to a minute and then she realizes she's standing and falls down. A few times i have seen her pull up onto something, let go (standing independently), and transfer onto something else. Its amazing how fast she is growing up! It shouldn't be long before she's walking...maybe as soon as a few weeks to 2 months is my guess. I'm pretty sure i have told you already that she had a second tooth! I think a third and fourth are VERY soon to come. The picture i have included in this post is of her in the tub and you can see her beautiful little teeth.

Separation Anxiety

Sure there are many times when parenting can be very difficult. I'm
sure there'll be many more times that it is much more difficult than it is now
but I will say that at times right now it can get pretty difficult on Tyler and I. Now Skye is going through a bit of separation anxiety so it's pretty much
impossible to do anything that doesn't involve holding her or sitting
on the ground right next to her. It's definately not acceptable to her for you to be standing 2 feet away from her. You must be sitting down so she can just rest her hand on your leg or crawl into your lap at a whim. They say that she is just learning that she is a person separate from Tyler and I. I can see how that can get pretty scary at times. For example the other night Skye woke up at 2 AM for no reason other than to scream her head off. It was just silence on the monitor
and then all of a sudden she's screaming bloody murder. She
wasn't hungry and didn't have a dirty diaper. Also, for months now she has gotten really great at sleeping through the night so this was highly abnormal. I think she just got scared. I think she woke up and it was really dark and she couldn't see and wanted Tyler and I but we weren't there so she just freaked out! It's hard on Skye and really hard on Tyler and I.

On another note: The other night I wasn't feeling very good so Tyler fed Skye and put her to bed without my help and for some reason it is really hard for me to completely extricate myself from the process without feeling guilty about it. Now Tyler is as much of an awesome parent as there
ever was and he really does as much as any father I've ever known
and he's good at it. He puts Skye in bed all the time when I'm at work so
I don't know why it was a big deal I guess I feel guilty you about
going to work and so I feel like when I'm at home I should do
everything for Skye because I'm not when I'm at work but it was hard
for me, even though I was not feeling good, to rest. Tyler says that it hurts his feelings when i think things like that because it debases his efforts. Its not that I feel like Tyler cant do it or wont do it well but its more an inner drive that makes me feel like i need to pick up the slack i create by working. Im sure a lot of working mothers feel similarly as we have to be the BEST mother, the BEST employee, the BEST wife, and the BEST daughter, sister, friend. Please let me know if you have ever felt the same? I am going to be trying to concentrate less about what i "should be" doing and just enjoy Skye. If anyone has figured out how to do this please let me know. :)
On the plus side: Skye is more loving lately. She is exploring everything and is laughing ALL THE TIME! The other day we discovered that she loves to ride on my shoulders. Below is a recent pic of Skye eating dinner. This is typically what she looks like when all is said and done. Bath time!! :)

Very Random things I love about Skye

When Skye was first born i was really scared that she didn't know who i was or remember me when i got done with a week of work. I don't know if this is a common feeling of mothers or if it was just a play of my own insecurities. Either way that is thankfully long gone! Even though she doesn't speak yet she has learned how to say i love you with her eyes. If i just walk into sight she gets a big grin on her face showing off her tooth. She will crawl over to me and pull up on my legs just to be held. She loves to bury her head into my shoulder when she is tired. She NEVER smiles bigger than when she sees me. Now Skye's a daddy's girl but boy oh boy does she love her momma! I guess its just cause she can since the protection i offer her...the way Tyler and I provide her with almost everything she needs or wants. I'm sure a lot of the way she behaves now is due to her age and development and having a bit of "stranger danger" but i just hope she always loves her momma this much!

Some more things that Skye LOVES: reading her books, hanging upside down, being tickled (she's ticklish under her arms, her neck, and her feet), raspberries on her belly and baths. The picture below is of her as she hears the water running for her nightly bath.



Skye also loves to eat. Her favorites are bananas, sweet potatoes, butternut squash and peas. We are starting to give her bits of solid food to try. She loves these things called baby mummum and she can grab em and they just dissolve in her mouth. She likes cut up banana and raspberries. She also eats the puffs and yogurt bites. Speaking of eating it has been easier for Skye since she cut that first tooth and EVEN easier now that she is cutting a second. Its on the bottom, right next to her first one! She's just the best!

I know this posting is a little random but these are some of the things that i love about Skye that i want to remember in a few short years!

Eat, Sleep, Teethe

Having a baby is the most fun, life affirming, stressful thing i can even imagine. I'm 80% sure Skye is teething. I cant see a tooth yet but she is displaying behaviors that are pretty common during that teething phase such as being irritable, drooling, chewing on EVERYTHING (she even chews when she has nothing in her mouth, she looks like she is chewing her tongue), low grade fever and worst of all sleep disturbances. She has decided that she wants to wake up at 6am!! I really thought that 7 am was bad and i would pray every day that she could just stretch it out till 8am. 6 am for me is just impossible. Tonight Tyler said it took her AN HOUR to go to sleep! That NEVER happens! Usually she is so tired from a crammed packed day of play that she can hardly stay awake long enough to finish her bottle and when we put her down WE MAY get a slight whimper but usually she just silently goes to sleep. Nap times have changed also. She isn't sleeping as long as she normally does. She usually sleeps for 1.5 hrs to 2 hrs per nap but i can hardly get her to sleep for 45 min. Not to mention that she seems tired ALL DAY LONG. She is constantly rubbing her eyes. Its funny to me how unique motherhood is. I see all these signs of general unrest and it plagues me. It hangs on my mind like a weighted vest. I cant think of anything other than Skye and these sleep problems. I think of it like a puzzle that i need to piece together all of the reasons why Skye has changed things all of a sudden. How can I fix this? Its amazing how Tyler can see the changes and with all of his serenity and wisdom can accept the changes as is and continue on his path without missing a step while i sit here like a spinning top. As I'm sitting here I wish i could be more like Tyler and not let things like this bother me. I wish i could sit back and not care if she got 15 bottles a day or had 4 naps of 15 min each. I wish i didn't feel held back and could take her all around town and completely disregard her nap schedule. I wish i could be selfish and work Skye into MY life. I cant. I am completely unable. The second i heard that first cry on September 16, 2009 and felt her warmth as they laid her on my chest for the first time it was all over for me. The instant she looked into my eyes i lost myself. I am no longer able to disregard all of those seemingly minute ridiculous things. I am Skye's mother now and as such will spend the rest of my life trying desperately to make her life easier, calmer, happier!

Dear Skye

Dear Skye,
There are so many things that you do so frequently that i really want to remember. I love how when i give you a bottle you lay in my lap and cross one foot over the other like your so laid back and relaxed. I love how when i feed you you stick your hands in your mouth and then rub your eyes and your head right behind your ear. You get cereal/carrots/peas all over the place. The picture is actually cereal and bananas. I love how i always know when your really tired because you bury your head into me like im the coziest blanket/pillow you have ever had. You love being outside, when you're especially cranky you always calm down the second you get outside. Your very ticklish under your arms and ill lift up your arms and blow raspberries under your arm and you just die laughing. You love love love your bath. You never crawl so fast as you do when you get your clothes off and hear that water running. I love you more than anything in the world and I will always be here for you.
Love,
Your Mother

Adrienne's Two!!

My beautiful niece Adrienne turned two on Sat April 17. I remember the day she was born like it was yesterday! I got the call that Mandy was in labor while i was finishing up my clinical at Parkland Hospital. When i heard that it was time i started crying. I'm not really sure why...She was several hours from actual delivery but i felt like i had to be there for my little sister! I loved Adrienne from the second i heard that Mandy was pregnant and i loved everything about her from the second she arrived in this world. I loved the heart shaped birthmark on her foot and all that hair...I would take videos of her just sleeping because she was so beautiful. And now she is two years old, I cant believe how fast time flies. When i first heard that her birthday party was going to be in Tyler i thought that would be too big of an undertaking with Skye to travel for the party and just knew we were gonna have to miss it. Over the next few days it was weighing heavy on my heart and i couldn't just miss my little Adrienne's birthday party! She was my niece and i love her as much as an aunt can love a niece, we HAD to go. It was a two hour drive each way but it really wasn't that bad. Skye slept the whole way so this was a nice time for me and Tyler to have bonding time...to chit chat about adult things like what we have been reading and philosophy. The girls all LOVED playing together. Adrienne was so interested in Skye and just wanted to tough and hug her. Skye just turned 7 months and is full blown crawling and pulling up. Jordyn (Adrienne's sister) is 3 weeks older and doing the same so it was chaos and we only had those three kids. I cant imagine what craziness it would have been with any more people or kids around. We ate hamburgers that Chris (Mandy's fiance) made on the grill and queso with chips. The food was super yummy, Mandy knew what she was doing by picking a man who can cook :) After lunch we had Adrienne open presents. We gave her a Barbie doll, sidewalk chalk, and I made her a homemade tutu that was turquoise, brown and white and had a matching bow. She loved the tutu and wore it the rest of the day! Then we ate the cake that Chris baked. I thought it was so sweet the effort he put into the cake for Adrienne...he even decorated it himself! She didn't understand that she was supposed to blow out the candle..she just tried to grab it...eventually we had to help a little. Next year i know she will get it and can help Jordyn and Skye with their candles!! After cake Skye started getting cranky and it was time for her nap which meant we had to get her in the car so she could sleep on the way home. And that was our trip to Tyler :) Happy Birthday Adrienne!! I am so lucky that i have gotten to be your aunt for the past two years and Tyler and I love you very much!!